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the early word

ABC's ‘Big Shots’: For Men and the Women They've Always Wanted to Be

The Big Shots — Titus, Vartan, McDermott, Malina — and their entourage.Courtesy of ABC

Vulture's taking a look at some of the most prominent of the picked-up fall TV shows. Which are good? Which are horrible? And most important, which will be worth a precious DVR season pass?

Title: Big Shots

Stars: Michael Vartan (Alias), Dylan McDermott (The Practice), Christopher Titus (Titus), and Joshua Malina (The West Wing)

Network: ABC, Thursdays at 10

The pitch: As cosmetics honcho Duncan Collingsworth (McDermott) jokes in the pilot episode of this CEO soap opera: "Men. We're the new women."

Pilot report: We meet James Auster (Vartan), whose boss' death leads to his promotion. And Duncan, who needs to cover up his affair with a tranny hooker. (It's tranny hooker season on ABC!) And Karl (Malina), whose wife unknowingly befriends his mistress. And Brody, the type-A Harvard grad who's totally whipped. Basically, four high-powered metrosexuals who gossip about their co-workers, worry about their children, complain about their spouses, backstab their competitors, and braid one another's hair (okay, we made that last one up).

Representative dialogue:

Dominic: "Tell [tranny hooker Dontrelle] to call me at this number, and tell her it's really, really important."
Prostitute: "She's that good, huh?"
Brody: "Let's just say when it comes to sex, she's the man."

Breakout star: We're pulling for sassy Jazzmun (Dontrelle) and her perfect fan of acrylic nails.

Worth a season pass?: No. You know how Sex and the City's creators wrote about four gay men who just happened to have breasts and Manolos? We get the feeling the Big Shots guys are reading roles written for Ally McBeal and her girlfriends.