‘Grey's Anatomy’: In the End, Who Finally Did Whom?

Grey's Anatomy
Episode Title
Didn't We Almost Have It All?
Season
3
Episode
25

Dear Grey's Anatomy writers, we know you're trying to be all "unpredictable" and such, but some of us had a hard week and would have very much liked to have seen at least one of these couples have a happy-ish ending in last night's third-season finale. Screw You, A Disappointed Fan.

Meredith and Derek
As John Mayer would say, this couple is slow dancing in a burning room. After last week's bar flirtation (which, it turns out, involved Meredith's long lost sister, Lexi Grey), Derek tells Meredith, "I met a woman last night; she was pretty, I noticed, and we talked." Harsh! Is it just us, or does anyone else forget why this couple is fighting in the first place? Something to do with drowning? Meredith tells Derek he should just dump her already. Yes, Derek, do it! But no, this season leaves their coupledom up in the air. We still don't get why Derek is so obsessed with her, especially since her face looks particularly wide. Maybe it's just our TV? Next season: We predict that they'll break up. Then get back together. And break up again. And maybe get back together.

Preston and Cristina
It's the day of the wedding, and Preston's mother waxes Cristina's eyebrows to the point of nonexistence. "Mama took my eyebrows!" Cristina tells Meredith. Seriously, Sandra Oh looks like the girl alien from Cocoon. At the church, Preston walks down the aisle (the wrong way!) to tell her it's over! They don't get married! We end in Cristina and Preston's apartment, where Preston has moved out (that was quick!), and in a scene reminiscent of Sex and the City, Meredith cuts Cristina out of that lovely wedding dress. Poor Cristina. Will her eyebrows ever grow back? Next season: We hope they get back together! But with rumors that Isaiah Washington may be leaving the show, we predict they might not. Boo.

Adele and Richard
Adele is in the hospital after collapsing on the bathroom floor, and Richard finds out that she's preggers yet stays by her side, in spite of the fact that someone else knocked up his 52-year-old estranged wife. What a good guy! Adele loses the baby, which was actually Richard's, and the two reconcile. Logistically, we don't understand how it's possible that Richard impregnated Adele — haven't they been separated for months and months? Whatever, we'll take what happiness we can get in this episode.

Alex and Jane Doe
Jane's hubby, Jeff Pope, finally shows up, and he's played by either Jeremy or Jason London (we can't tell which). Alex is very jealous and says that Jane was beautiful even when her face was crushed to a pulp. Eh, not so sure about that, Alex. Jane is discharged from the hospital, finally speaks to Alex about their mutual love, but in typical Alex fashion, he balks and tells her to go home with her husband. Later, he changes his mind, rushing back to the hospital (romantic comedy style), only to find that her room is empty. Through it all, we still can't understand anything Jane says. Next season: We predict that Jane will come back, mid-season, when Alex is romantically involved with someone else. Meredith's sister, perhaps?

Callie and Izzie and George
Oh, the terrible threesome. End it already! Callie tells George that she wants to have a baby, then gets named chief resident over Bailey. Izzie tells George that if he doesn't love her, she will support his decision to stay with Callie. George fails his intern exam and will either have to leave or retake his intern year. We end with Izzie and Callie in the abandoned church, both looking forlorn. Sigh. Next season: We predict that this love-triangle nonsense will continue. Endlessly. Sigh, again. —Emma Rosenblum