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‘Grey's Anatomy’: Who's Doin' Whom?

Amy Brenneman, Taye Diggs, and Tim Daly

In Seattle Grace Hospital you're no one until you're doing someone — and everyone's doing someone (unless you're the Chief, in which case you've recently dyed your hair in hopes of doing someone). Last night's "2 Hour Event!" launched an upcoming Grey's spinoff, tentatively titled Private Practice, starring Kate Walsh's character, Dr. Addison Shepherd. We jumped back and forth between Addison's adventures in the bright and shiny L.A. clinic, Oceanside Wellness, and the dour and incestuous world of Seattle Grace. Addison, tired of McSteamy's half-assed attempts at a relationship and upset by Alex's recent rejection, visits old med-school friends in the land of La La … where she finds — you guessed it! — people who want to do someone and used to do someone (though, surprisingly, no one who is currently doing someone). Oh, and an elevator that speaks to her in a creepy old woman's voice. Herewith, a guide to navigating the tricky love lives of these suspiciously attractive doctors.

SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL

Meredith and Derek
Last week, Derek told Meredith that he wasn't sure he could deal with her suicidal tendencies. We return to Meredith pleading with Derek: "Don't give up on me!" Eh, we just did. Toward the end of the episode, Derek warms to her efforts, but then Meredith's estranged father blames her for her stepmother's untimely death (from … hiccups?), and she runs away from Derek after her father slaps (!) her. Next week: Derek talks to an attractive brunette in a bar; Meredith scowls and faints from malnutrition. (Psych! But she does scowl.)

Cristina and Preston
Cristina and Preston's mothers come to town to help plan their upcoming wedding, which Preston wants to be big and white (AND GAY! Just kidding, Isaiah … ), though Cristina would rather have a small, Civil Hall ceremony. Preston wonders if "it's possible to really love one person." Cristina begrudgingly goes along with his wedding plans, which pleases Preston. Bonus question: What race is Preston's mom? Next week: With the wedding a day away, Cristina is still being a big old bitch. No surprise there.

George and Callie … and Izzie.
The world of Callie O'Malley continues to crumble as George avoids his big-boned bone-doctor wife. George is having serious doubts about his marriage and is confused as to whether he loves Callie or Izzie. "Is it possible to be in love with two people?" he asks Preston, and considers a transfer to get away from the simmering love-triangle tension. A side note: Callie's forced to be one of Christina's bridesmaids and tries on a hilariously ugly dress. The episode ends with George and Izzie making out in the elevator (lack of sexual chemistry be damned!). Next week: Let's hope Callie kicks George to the curb. George's hair looks great.

Alex and Jane Doe
Alex's non-sexual love affair continues with the woman he saved from the ferry accident a few weeks back. She has no memory and a new face but … a really good personality! Jane Doe has to undergo surgery for a brain bleed, during which she babbles in French, German, and Spanish but still can't remember anything when she wakes up. Alex is clearly turned on by her multilingual display. Next week: Is Jane Doe lying about having no memory? Regardless, her mouth-gum area still looks nasty. Can't they fix that? Ew.

OCEANSIDE WELLNESS CLINIC
Lots of sexual tension but no actual sex! What kind of show is this?? Tim Daly hits on Addison, and they eventually kiss; it's hot. Taye Diggs is also hot and maybe still in love with his ex-wife, who almost makes out with a (hot!) surfer receptionist. Amy Brenneman cries about an ex-boyfriend, wears glasses, and is generally a sad sack. Her co-worker Cooper tries to kiss her, but she won't let him. We foresee a future for these two. Next week: We hope this show is picked up. Did we mention that Taye Diggs is hot? He is. —Emma Rosenblum

Photo: Courtesy of ABC