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‘House’ Differential Diagnosis: We Like Our Coffee Like We Like Our Doctors — Drugged

Courtesy of Fox

Each week in Differential Diagnosis, we'll recap last night's episode of House the way the good doctor and his team would do it. This time we're holding the Sharpie.

The Situation:
A college sophomore is bleeding from parts unknown. Foreman tenders his resignation, and everyone but House tries to talk him out of it.

Symptoms
• House goes from cavalier to downright giggly.
• Patient with buoyant poop and a hot nutritionist girlfriend.
• House ignores a dying patient to watch Wilson yawn.
• Patient’s head blows up, and House records it for America’s Queasiest Home Videos.
• House slips amphetamines in Wilson’s espresso, leading to the funniest breast exam in television history.

Initial diagnosis
Ulterior Motivosis. This episode is so weird that they’ve got to be leading up to the big reversal that gets Foreman to stay.

Secondary symptoms
• Cameron breaks into House’s apartment for no reason, and they don’t even make out.
• Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome? Schistocytes? Complement Factor H Deficiency? Y’all are just making shit up.
• Turns out Wilson’s been slipping antidepressants into House’s coffee.
• House scores with hot nutritionist.
• Foreman still says he’s leaving. (We still don’t buy it.)

Final Diagnosis
We’re still waiting on the tox screen, but it seems like someone slipped something into this episode’s coffee. Some nice highs and Robert Sean Leonard’s best scenes since Dead Poets Society but ultimately erratic and largely incoherent. —Jordana and Sean Williams