The cast of Samantha Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?Courtesy of ABC
Variety reports this morning, buried at the bottom of another TV story, that poor Christina Applegate’s fall sitcom is being given its third title. Originally called Sam I Am when we (favorably) previewed it back in May, the sitcom is about a onetime Mean Girl whose amnesia forces her to come to terms with the jerk she once was. A time line of Christina Applegate’s title woes:
June 19. Sam I Am retitled Samantha Be Good because of clearance issues with the estate of Dr. Seuss.
June 29. Samantha Be Good retitled Samantha Who? owing to Samantha Be Good being a crap title.
July 25. Estate of Dr. Seuss weighs in again, claiming they own the word “Who”; after Supreme Court agrees in 5-4 decision, show retitled Everybody Will Soon Love Samantha.
August 1. After both Ray Romano and Chris Rock belittle ABC, show is retitled Samantha Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
August 6. TV Guide protests length of new title, claims it will not fit on listings pages. ABC cancels sitcom preemptively in order to avoid further embarrassment.
August 11. Passionate Christina Applegate fans bombard ABC execs with Golden Delicious apples mailed from across the country. ABC un-cancels the show, titles it Applegate!
August 13. Unluckily for ABC, this very week three Pacific Northwest senators are indicted in a payola scandal involving the owners of the country’s biggest orchard and sales of tainted cider. Applegate! no longer a viable title. ABC renames the show That One Girl From Married … With Children Gets Amnesia.
September 5. That One Girl From Married … With Children Gets Amnesia premieres, is immediate smash. Thanks to traditional Hollywood pack mentality, Grey’s Anatomy is renamed The Babe From Knocked Up Is a Doctor, and Without Breasts There Is No Paradise is renamed This Show Has Breasts In It. Legally renamed Christina Smith will go on to win a dozen Emmys.