Last night, Jesus krumped. It may not have been technically biblical, since it was only the reality-show dancer who goes by that name, but following that fun, funky opener with Sarah, the God references flew fast and furious. Cedric said, “I think I was put on this show by God.” Cameron later shared that his ballroom instructor had “put [him] on the cross.” Guest judge Debbie Allen appeared to have had her face lifted to the heavens in infinite ways. So what’s it all mean? Are you there, God? Do we really need to see another soulless performance by Neil and Lauren, this time in tango? Must Sabra play second fiddle to Dominic even if she rumbas her heart out in heels? Was Wade Robson’s brilliant hummingbird-meets-flower performance-art piece for Hok and Jaimie a plea for paganism? Turns out the real weirdness was yet to come.
It was announced that Jessi would not be performing because she’d been whisked to the hospital with an irregular EKG. Far from sending condolences, Nigel issued an ultimatum: If she’s better tomorrow, she’ll have to dance for her life. If not, she’s out. That sounds ominous! Do people really want to dance for their life when they’re literally fighting for it? Shots of the departing ambulance followed by Jessi’s partner, Pasha, doing the cha-cha with a stand-in who looks like his mother on a potent aphrodisiac: Disturbing? Actually, hilarious as hell.—Drew Pisarra