‘Alvin and the Chipmunks’: Prepare to Be Horrified

Tagline: "Their music defined a generation and then, suddenly, they disappeared."

Translation: Soul Asylum?

The Gist: Whatever we did to incur the wrath of Xenu and his Scientologist friend Jason Lee, surely we did not deserve this. The new teaser trailer for Alvin and the Chipmunks starts off innocently enough — Beatlemania footage and a voice-over about the Chipmunks's legendary fake career — but then, after Dave Seville (played by Lee) interrupts a version of "Funkytown" by the rodent trio, Alvin does something we never, ever thought we'd see in an ad for what is, ostensibly, a children's movie. Don't say we didn't warn you.