Warning: This post contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Ever since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was published, certain grumpy critics have angrily protested that the story's epilogue didn't reveal enough information about how Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the rest of the gang live the rest of their lives. Happily for those of us hungry for even the tiniest bit of information on these, er, fictional characters, author J.K. Rowling is beginning to share her version of the wizarding world's future. Today MuggleNet has posted the complete transcript of the 90-minute online chat Rowling conducted on her British publisher's Website. But it's endless! You don't have time to go through all those kids writing, "harrys magic and yours will be with me forever! Thanks!" We've mined the transcript for the best parts, after the jump.
• Harry has become head of the Auror office, completely revolutionizing the way Aurors do their work.
• Hermione began her career in the Department for Regulation of Magical Creatures, improving the lot of house-elves everywhere. She now is a prominent member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.
• Ron is also an Auror, while additionally a partner in Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.
• Luna is a naturalist. She's finally realized there's no such thing as a Crumple-Horned Snorkack and is married to the grandson of Newt Scamander, author of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
• The Malfoys stayed out of Azkaban; Harry and Draco are cordial but never friends.
• George Weasley named his first child Fred after his dead brother.
• Lupin was killed by Dolohov, and Tonks was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange.
• And most important, what happened to Aberforth Dumbledore? "He is still there, at the Hog's Head, playing with his goats."