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the early-evening news

Harry Potter Does Not Want to Meet Your Children

Photos: Getty Images

Back!: Dolly Parton will release a "mainstream country" album next February, her first in seventeen years, on her new label, Dolly Records. [Billboard]

Spoiler: The real Harry Potter is 78 years old, lives in Zaleski, Ohio, and is sick of children. [WP]

Oh shit!: A Chicago judge has set a September 17 start date for R. Kelly's child-pornography trial, five years after Kelly was first charged with making a sex tape with an underage girl. We just hope this gets resolved quickly, so he can get to work on the next ten chapters. Of Trapped in the Closet. [Chicago Tribune]

White Gripe: Jack White says journalists are lazy. We'd try to think of a clever comeback, but what's the point? [NME]

Monstrous Inconvenience: Filming for J.J. Abrams's Cloverfield is shutting down streets on the Lower East Side. Pictures here! [Radar]