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‘The Closer’: Female Trouble

Courtesy of TNT

As any Closer fan knows, the TNT drama is only nominally a police procedural, cramming in as it does a hefty dose of Brenda’s personal successes and failures while off the clock. On last night's episode, Brenda stalked a serial killer, got menaced with a cattle prod, interrogated an uncooperative D.A., unleashed a storm of bullets into a perp’s chest, and examined corpses that had been so egregiously violated they made Freddy Krueger look powder fresh. But that totally wasn’t the point.

Brenda’s medical mystery is solved! Her fever, discomfort, and general apoplexy of the past few weeks had nothing to do with an unplanned Closer in the oven. As kindly gyno S. Epatha Merkerson advises Brenda and her viewers, our inquisitive patient is undergoing early-onset menopause. (We hardly had to strain to hear the plastic clatter of a thousand remotes dropping to the floor as thirtysomething women everywhere sensed the pending battery failure of their biological clocks.)

And the good doctor didn’t stop there: Turns out Brenda’s problem could be related to an undefined problem “down there” — ovarian failure, or worse — and we’ll have to wait until the next episode to find out. Having shamefully failed to predict what transpired on last night’s show, we’re hesitant to voice a new prediction, but hey, what the hell! We’re going with a diabetes diagnosis, which a little unsubstantiated online research suggests might be linked to early menopause and which would (most importantly, for our purposes) totally get in the way of Brenda’s kind of nauseating affair with sugar.

Is it problematic for The Closer that Brenda’s lady troubles are more compelling than the gruesome murders she’s trying to solve? Nah. The fact is, she’s pretty much always going to catch the bad guy. The fate of her ovaries, on the other hand? That’s anybody’s guess. —Sara Cardace