‘Shoot 'Em Up’ Flops, and It's All Your Fault

Photo: Courtesy of New Line Cinema

Despite Vulture's very best efforts, Shoot 'Em Up was a box-office dud, bringing in just $5.45 million and finishing in sixth place behind 3:10 to Yuma and four other movies that have been out for ages. ("We ended the summer on a strong note, and we're starting off the fall in typical fashion," lamented Hollywood number-adder Paul Dergarabedian. "It wasn't a huge weekend, but it was better than the same weekend in 2006.") Honestly, we're shocked that you didn't listen to us, particularly after the runaway success of the New York Magazine–endorsed Andy Samberg vehicle Hot Rod.

If the average price of a movie ticket in the U.S. is $6.58, this means that only about 828,267 people went to see the film. So, by our count, 299,171,733 Americans (plus innumerable undocumented illegal aliens) are to blame for its failure. For shame, United States inhabitants! Clive Owen could kill every single one of you in twelve seconds while having sex with Monica Belluci!