Last week we were about to give up on Betty completely. ABC must have heard our pleas — did they hire new writers and stylists? The show was freaking brilliant (for what it is). Betty has finally gotten the guts to go to the writing class where her professor calls her “Clappy” (which later morphs into “Crappy”). We’ve never been hotter for a teacher in our lives. And yes, this was the big Dawson episode, with James Van Der Beek playing a coked-up bigot (haven’t we seen this somewhere?). But really, shouldn’t the ads have played up the return of Harold? As in Harold and Kumar? (As in John Cho, if you're bothering to keep track of real names.) And did we mention there’s a stuffed bear with glowing red eyes that calls Betty a “lying bitch”? (From our notes: “Are we high?”) But enough with the lovefest. Herewith, the crimes against fashion.
A little black can go a long way.
Betty’s writing class is full of tortured writers who of course wear nothing but black. Oh silly, stylists, when will you learn? As firm believers in dark colors, even we know that too much can make you look like Lydia from Beetlejuice. Then again, there was Marc, suspiciously toned down this episode — dapper even, in a black vest and pants.
A little bit of boobs can go a long way.
Seriously, can we count the lady lumps? Hilda’s returned after being kept under wraps last week. Alexis had hers in a plunging, unbuttoned button-up — minus a bra. We get that she’s supposed to be a guy in a girl’s body, but even dudes know about support. The jiggle factor was just painful.
A little runny mascara … you get the idea.
What woman in her right mind wears non-waterproof mascara? Oh, right, Alexis is a guy inside. How clever, ABC! So of course he/she wears the runny stuff and cries just a bit and all of the sudden looks like Robert Smith. That’s not quite how it works, but hey, who are we to disagree?
And now, our nugget of joy. This week it has to go to Professor Barrett: “If you have nothing to write, try killing yourself.” On it! —Amina Akhtar