Cover Your Ears — Brian Wilson Is Rapping!

Photo: Photo Illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images (Wilson); iStockphoto (rapper)

1. Brian Wilson, "Smart Girls"
This is a long-lost rap song from Wilson's mercifully never-released 1991 album Sweet Insanity. We've featured many MP3s in this column's history, and this is the worst one. [WFMU]

2. Jack Johnson, "If I Had Eyes'"
This track from Johnson's new record isn't going to change anyone's mind about his too-laid-back singer-songwriter act, but at least it's better than Brian Wilson's rap song. [Hypeful]

3. Fast Food Rockers, "Song 4 Kylie (I'm in Love With a Girl in a Time Machine)"
Doctor Who synthesizers over sexy beats. We'd worry about how nerdy this song is if it weren't also so much fun. [Arjan Writes]

4. Dodos, "Fools"
With a name like Dodos, you run the risk of lazy music critics talking about how dopey you are or how long it might be until you're extinct. Thankfully they're pretty good! [Futuresounds]

5. Sammy Bananas, "Kiss the Girl (Baltimore Remix)"
Sammy Bananas doesn't quite succeed in making a club anthem out of this Disney song, but it does sound sexier than any song sung by a cartoon lobster has any reason to. [Earwigs and Wax]
—Ehren Gresehover