We open on part two of two of the “Grey’s Anatomy Event!”™ in a flash-forward to the end of the episode, in which Meredith tells Derek she wants to be exclusive, McSteamy’s holding his head in his hands, Alex and No-Face are making out, and Meredith and Cristina are dancing. Way to ruin the highly anticipated outcome, guys! Meredith blathers on about how sometimes reality gets turned inside out. You know what’s never turned inside out? This show’s formula — seemingly personalized patients who help their doctors learn and grow — which remains unchanged, week after week, like our ex-boyfriend’s sheets, even for Special Events™. And we’re off!
Meredith gets: A paramedic, Ray, who’s hanging upside down in his overturned ambulance. Meredith has to stick a big ol’ needle in his chest. He’s scared, which the Chief says is good, because it means he has something to lose.
What it means: The “something to lose” speech inspires Meredith to tell McDreamy that she doesn’t want him dating anyone else. Also, she convinces the wife of Ray’s dead partner, Stan, to stick around the hospital and wait for Ray to wake up. “It’s better to have someone, even if it hurts,” Meredith warns her, unfortunately calling to mind spousal abuse. The more you know, ABC
The outcome: Ray wakes and sees Stan’s wife in the room with him. Derek grimaces after Meredith asks him to be her boyfriend because he just made out with Nurse Rose!
Bailey gets: A white supremacist with a swastika tattooed on his abdomen. Last week he had asked for a doctor who’s not black or a woman but got stuck with Bailey. She grudgingly operates on him, but it takes longer than expected, and her cute husband, Tucker, is made to wait for their lunch date.
What it means: Bailey’s having trouble balancing work and family; Tucker’s mad that she’s never around. Tucker, sweetheart, remember when your wife operated on you and saved your life? Give her a break.
The outcome: Tucker storms off after asking George to tell Bailey that’s it’s over. We are sad for Bailey and her adorable little baby — but happy she messed up the supremacist’s swastika when she stitched up his tummy. Take that, clichéd TV racist!
Bonus round, Izzie and George: While relaying Bailey and Tucker’s harsh messages, George realizes that marriage is hard work and that he’s not ready to jump back into something with Izzie. In the most realistic plot development ever, they decide to break up. Because George is gay! (Only in real life, but still.)
Lexie gets: Seth Green, whose neck awesomely burst onto Lexie’s coat last week. She gets really upset when she can’t stanch the bleeding, and Cristina yells at her, which is great. The hospital’s so crowded they can’t find an operating room quickly enough.
What it means: Lexie’s not used to tough situations like this.
The outcome: Seth starts to look really, really pale … and then dies! Lexie’s distraught until Cristina gives her a pep talk about how doctors do more good than harm. Then she brings Lexie home to Meredith, and they all drink tequila and dance.
In other news, Dr. Han realizes she’s an asshole, Alex and No-Face fight and then get it on, and McSteamy looks stressed. Don’t furrow that pretty brow, McSteamy! We’ll come over and make it all better. —Emma Rosenblum