We've had a couple weeks off from Ugly Betty, and though we'd like to say we missed her and her braces (metallics — trend alert!), well, we didn't. But last night's episode topped all others; it warmed our cold hearts in a way we never thought possible. When we last left Betty and the gang, old Bradford had kicked it, the wedding obviously never happened, and Angela, er, Claire Meade, had been recaptured. Last night, though, there was in-office paintball! Who hasn't wanted to shoot up co-workers with paint? (We said paint, human resources, paint!) But of course, for us to be full of love just wouldn’t be right. Herewith, the crimes against fashion.
Our moms shouldn't style the show.
We love our mom. Truly. She’s amazing. But since when did the sweaters she dressed us in on the first day of second grade make for something Betty should wear? Look, we get that she has to dress like she's challenged (sartorially!), but come on. Blue and red stripes? Ohhh we’re having flashbacks
When in combat, do not dress like American Gladiators.
So Daniel and Alexis want to settle their dad's will, which didn’t indicate who would get to run the company. How else to do it than with a paintball challenge? And dressing up as gladiators? Strange that ABC would want us to think about a show on NBC. And isn't it hard to leap over desks when your boobs are all pushed up with spandex? Oh, who cares — it’s in-office paintball! (We said paintball, HR!)
Golden Girls should be sacred.
Actually, we'll be honest: Watching Betty White get her ass kicked ruled. Kudos to Wilhelmina. Betty White turns out to be a selfish actress bitch? Shocking! Let's do a replay of Willy pushing her on the ground and slamming her fingers in the door.
We have to be honest, we actually smiled during this episode. (If anyone repeats that, we'll claim to have been drunk and then Betty White you.) If only the rest of the season had been this entertaining — maybe this episode was a little gift from the writers before they went on strike. And now, a little nugget for you. During paintball, someone splattered an Anna Sui outfit with yellow paint, and Amanda wailed, “Innocent clothes are getting hurt!” We feel that way every week, dears. —Amina Akhtar