Yesterday we predicted that the new season of American Idol would be the show's most successful ever — turns out we were completely wrong! The ratings from last night's premiere are in, and they're the worst in four years for an Idol debut. Only a measly 33.8 million people bothered to tune in, down 11 percent from 2007, which is particularly troubling since last year there was no writers' strike, and there were actually other things to watch on television. So, TV is dead now and, despite the noble efforts of Ben Silverman and all twelve American Gladiators, we can probably expect the four networks to cease broadcasting any minute now.
Where did all the viewers go? One can only assume the American public has taken a renewed interest in literature and live theater. Or maybe they all just got Wiis for Christmas. Either way, that HDTV you just blew $3,000 on is now officially worthless (unless you did, in fact, get a Wii).