Owing to the celebrities' refusal to cross Writers Guild picket lines to collect their statues at Sunday night's scheduled Golden Globes ceremony, NBC, Dick Clark Productions, and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association have officially called off the event. But, since NBC has already sold ads for the three hours the awards were to take place, and because they do not plan on giving refunds, the network will instead air an hour-long "news conference" at 9 p.m. at which the winners will be announced, preceded by two hours of interviews with nominees and a Golden Globes retrospective featuring highlights from awards past, provided they can find an editor with a whimsical enough understanding of the word "highlight." Afterward, they plan to run an Access Hollywood special covering the glamorous after-parties, which they presumably hope will entice a few famous actors out of their court-ordered sobriety (though it's now unclear if said parties will even happen). Us? We'll probably skip the whole thing, watch The Wire, and fall off the wagon in the comfort of our apartment.