The Oscars aren't for another month, but these awards were given at an earlier ceremony:
Best Photo Illustration: Nymag.com's very own Everett Bogue for this.
Best Live Performance by the "Chocolate Rain" Guy: Tay Zonday at Europa.
Best Sound Mixer Certain to Lose His Twentieth Oscar: Kevin O'Connell.
Best Oscar Predictions Almost Certain to Be Wildly Off the Mark: Ours.
Best Cinematography: Bootlegged Cloverfield.
Best Original Score Disqualified Because AMPAS Is Lame-o: Jonny Greenwood for There Will Be Blood.
Best Nonexistent Film Editor: Roderick Jaynes.
Best Foretelling of the End of Ben Silverman: Ben Silverman.
Best List of Scary Movie Vaginas: This one.
Best Reason to Stop Watching Fox Altogether: The Moment of Truth.
Best Eighties TV Shows That Ben Silverman Is Probably Already Remaking: These.