Yesterday Oprah Winfrey announced plans to create a new cable channel, the Oprah Winfrey Network, in 2008. The channel is a partnership with Discovery Communications and will replace Discovery Health, a faltering spinoff of the Discovery Channel. As Oprah is replacing an existing network, OWN will be immediately available in 70 million homes, and we have a hunch — call us soothsayers! — that OWN will be tremendously successful.
By 2010 Oprah, flush with OWN's success, should take over HBO, renaming it HBOprah. Soon the CW will fall as Oprah replaces teen soaps and edgy comedies with heartwarming tales of young mothers overcoming tragedy. In 2012, Oprah will buy Fox and then give the network to her studio audience on an "Oprah's Favorite Things" episode. Finally, by 2015, Oprah will have taken over the three major broadcast networks and will be installed as Dictator for Life. America will flourish under her benevolent rule.
But that's all far in the future. For now, you know what Oprah taking over Discovery Health means? More Dr. Oz, the guest who inappropriately wears his scrubs everywhere!