Revealed! The Complete Text of Ben Silverman's Rose d'Or Acceptance Speech

Photo: Photo Illustration: Getty Images, iStockphoto

Thank you! Thank you. Thank you. Thank — thank you. [Applause dies down.] Thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks. [The room is silent.] Wow. Wow. Thank you. Holy — thank you. Thanks. I am so totally fucking — wow. Thank you.

Thank you for awarding me the Rose d'Or. WOW! Some people have problems with me, or my in-your-face, edgy attitude, or my meteoric rise to success. And I understand it! I would hate Ben Silverman too if I was some outmoded D-girl like Steve McPherson or whatsisface, that other guy, the one I replaced, Kevin … Reilly? Is that right? Reilly. O'Reilly? Reilly. Anyways, I would hate me if I were them, but I'm not, so I love me!

This award confirms that the vision I've had for the future of television — one world of TV, with programming ideas migrating from nation to nation, era to era, a world where time and space themselves are defeated by the genius of television executives — is closer than ever to a reality. The Office is a hit. American Gladiators is a hit. I dream of a day, a day not so far off in the future, when no childhood-favorite TV show of Ben Silverman goes un-remade, and when no original idea is safe from the rapacious maws of American producers. I dream of a day, a day not so far off in the future, when Jem and the Holograms, Airwolf, and Muppet Babies get prime-time reboots. I look forward to the day, a day not so far off in the future, when we find a bushman in the Kalahari with a great idea for a TV show, and we take that idea and we put it on the air in the United States and we win a goddamn Peabody Award. Excuse me.

[Takes out cell phone, dials.] Johnson! What is that N!xau guy doing now? Would he host a reality show? I bet Coke would sponsor it. He's dead? Fuck. Are there other bushmen? Awesome. Awesome. Make it happen. [Hangs up.]

Once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Silverman to get Rose d'Or honor [Variety]

Earlier: Year in Review: Without Ben Silverman There Is No Television