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Clean-cut Teen Sensations Sign On for Most Boring Reality Show Ever

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Disney Channel Finds Cure for Insomnia: The Jonas Brothers, the drug-free teen-rock trio who recently revealed to Details their pledge to stay virgins until marriage, are getting their own reality show on the Disney Channel. Jonas Brothers: Living the Dream will "get up close and personal with the brothers as they rehearse, travel on the tour bus and perform. It also will follow them as they interact with their parents and younger brother, go sky diving and race go-carts." [HR]

McDonough Fights Back: Minority Report's Neal McDonough will play M. Bison in the upcoming Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li video-game adaptation for Fox. He joins Smallville's Kristin Kreuk (Chun-Li) and a slew of other bizarro Street Fighter look-alikes including Michael Clarke Duncan as Balrog the boxer. [HR]

Brown Takes the Stand: Sandra Brown has finally caved. After 56 New York Times best-sellers, more than 70 million books in print, and years of begging by everyone in Hollywood, Brown has sold the rights to one of her books: 1996's legal thriller, The Witness. Says Brown, "For decades, I've been developing a voice my readers recognize and expect. [TwinStar's] Lane Bishop approached me with a full understanding and appreciation of that voice." In other words, "I make a boatload of money from these books, so please don't ruin this for me." [HR]

Monahan to Thrill Paramount: The Departed scribe William Monahan will write a "fact-based thriller" based on an article that will soon appear in Playboy magazine. The true story centers on a drug dealer who ducks his prison time by going undercover at an insane asylum, where he tries to get a serial killer to divulge the locations of his victims. Spoiler alert: He probably ate them. [Variety]

Zeta-Jones Will Seduce You: Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas will star in an untitled romantic comedy for writer-director Bart Freundlich, helmer of Trust the Man starring wife Julianne Moore. Zeta-Jones will play a single mom living in Manhattan who starts a fling with her much-younger neighbor. Yikes — she'll have to dig deep into her acting soul to make that age-gap romance convincing. [HR]

Marshall Drives for Uni: Doomsday's Neil Marshall will direct Universal's Drive, for producer Marc Platt. Hugh Jackman is attached as a movie stunt driver who moonlights as a getaway driver for robberies. Marshall says he wants to bring the film a "British sensibility," which means all the car chases will have to be rewritten on the other side of the road. [Variety]

CSI: Magic Mountain: The newest CSI will eschew a city setting in favor of Six Flags Magic Mountain. CSI: Live! will show audiences a crime and let them solve it with a cast of embarrassingly peppy detectives. According to CBS' Liz Kalodner, "it will be a family-friendly show." What, no black-light semen? [Variety]