As we stumbled out of an Imax screening of Transformers last summer, our eyes and ears bleeding from the impact of 143 minutes worth of astronomic CGI explosions and earthquake-inducing THX sound, we wondered how on earth director Michael Bay would ever top such an experience in the film's inevitable sequel (without actually killing moviegoers).
IESB.com reports this morning that he may have found a way: The follow-up to Bay's 2007 $320-million-grossing, critically tolerated smash hit will simply feature BIGGER FUCKING TRANSFORMERS! The Decepticons (the bad guys) in next summer's Transformers 2 will include five Constructicons — an evil bulldozer, an evil excavator, an evil dump truck, an evil concrete mixer, and an evil front-load shovel, all likely out of work during the real-estate crisis — which can band together to form one giant Transformer named Devastator (at left). (For a reminder of what the Constructicons looked like back in the day, check out nymag.com's video of us trying to play with our old Transformers last summer.) Presumably this will result in bigger, louder, more-awesome explosions that even further dwarf the non-charisma of Shia LaBeouf. A simple, obvious, awesome solution. Michael Bay, you are a genius.