Dammit! Rousseau IS dead. But despite having moved from denial into anger, we'll admit this was a decent episode, if only because it made us care about the whole Jack/Kate thing, and not just what their hair looks like. It's kind of a relief to have no Ben or Locke. We love to see Juliet perform her medical specialty, delivering bad news in a dreamy monotone. Also, Jack's dad? Dead, scary, everywhere.
Jack wakes up, shaggy and hungover from orange-panty sex with ... Kate, whose hair care secrets we want right now. He's been reading bedtime stories to Aaron, a huge aphrodisiac for Kate, apparently, and Jack's dad comes up in conversation. Then when he goes to the hospital, he spies his dad, which is creepy, because he’s DEAD. Meanwhile, Hurley is off his meds, convinced the Oceanic Six are all in fact dead, and he warns Jack that Dead Charlie told him "You're not supposed to raise him" and that Jack has a visit coming. This makes Jack gloomy; Kate reassures him, he proposes, she accepts. But it's all terribly chronologically sad, because we know that beard is going to grow longer and he'll end up on a bridge. Then a fire alarm beeps, his dad — DEAD! — appears in a lounge chair, or maybe it's all a dream, and anyway, the pill-popping has started and he's catching Kate in a bunch of lies about Sawyer. Ooh, who chose to stay on the island, eh?
Bernard is up in Daniel's face for some dork-on-nerd interrogation. Sweaty Jack intervenes in the slap-fight, but is interrupted by appendicitis — which, control freak that he is, he decides to treat by doing his own surgery with his love-triangle handmaidens holding mirror and scalpel. There's a horrifying surgical scene and I fainted then, so I don't know what else happened, but suddenly there's an odd Kate/Juliet conversation about Jack's kissing motives and, really, Juliet, concentrate on the stitching.
Meanwhile, Clare, Miles and Sawyer are on their way to the beach. Clare's still recovering from the explosion (and "seeing things"); Miles finds Rousseau and Karl's scary dead bodies; and they all run into Frank Lapidus, who saves them from the Hot Jerks who killed Rousseau. (We hate those guys.) Then Clare sees her Dad, who is also Jack's dad — remember that plot? — cuddling Aaron. (Also: Dad is DEAD). So she walks off into the jungle with him, leaving Aaron behind, which is very scary in every way.
Twitchy and Bitchy say a lot of opaque, untrustworthy things. But Jin suddenly reveals his kickass nature when he figures out Bitchy speaks Korean and extorts a promise that she'll get Sun off the island. Meanwhile, Rose is suspicious of this whole Jack-is-sick plot.
What We Now Know
• Sawyer stayed on the island
• Charlotte speaks Korean
• Jack's dad is everywhere, like God or that pancake syrup smell
The Wha? Factor
• Why? Why? Why is Jack's dad everywhere?
• What's this promise Kate is keeping to Sawyer? And why does it require so much cleavage?
• What was Juliet up to with that whole stitching deal? Did she give Jack Botox on the sly? Sew a time bomb into his belly? Is he the next pregnant man to go on Oprah? —Emily Nussbaum