Samuel L. Jackson to Star in Basically ‘Torture: The Movie’

samuel l. jackson
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Jackson Does the Unthinkable: Samuel L. Jackson will star in Unthinkable, a suspense thriller about a single terrorist who knows the locations of three nuclear bombs on U.S. soil, and the lengths to which we'll go to make him talk. Our guess is "two steps beyond waterboarding," because we all know Samuel L. Jackson is tired of these muthafuckin' nuclear bombs in these muthafuckin' undisclosed locations. [HR]

Payne Is Hung: In a stroke of genius, HBO has tapped Sideways' Alexander Payne to direct its dark comedy, Hung. Payne is perfect to direct the story of a well-endowed middle-aged man who changes his life once he starts using his, to quote Variety, "best asset." Our sick-minded friend thinks they might be talking about his penis! Wait, what? [Variety]

Verbinski Gets Shocked: It's Universal's turn to ask the age-old question, "Is it possible to make an Ayn Rand–inspired, Art Deco zombie movie?" To find out, they've optioned the video-game hit, Bioshock, with Gore Verbinski attached to direct. Sweeney Todd's John Logan is in talks to write the script, so it's pretty clear they're taking this seriously. It seems everyone learned a lesson from the botching of Microsoft's Halo, a deal so moronic that their script delivery boys dressed up as Master Chief. [ Variety]

Attell Gets Gonged: Remember "The Monkey's Paw," that short story where that old couple wishes for their dead son to come back alive, but then he's all jacked up and they realize things die for a reason? Comedy Central is bringing back The Gong Show and bringing back Dave Attell to host it. Now, we're not saying the show will be lifeless and Dave Attell will be a festering, unfunny zombie. But we're not not saying it either. [Variety]

Planning an Orgy: Jason Sudeikis, Will Forte, and Leslie Bibb will star in A Good Old Fashioned Orgy, the story of a 30-year-old guy who has to move out of his parent's vacation home in the Hamptons and decides to throw one final party, an orgy. Time for the 2008 Fantasy Orgy draft! We'll take Forte, Kristin Wiig, and Michiko Kakutani. That girl knows how to spank. [Variety]