Alongside the Police, Sex Pistols, Kaiser Chiefs and N.E.R.D., this weekend’s Isle of Wight Festival will also feature that random drunk guy next to you who’s just really good at Guitar Hero. It was announced earlier today that not only does your ticket price of £130 — like $250! — guarantee you three days of admission, it also promises that you’ll be able to watch a bunch of pasty-skinned 15-year-olds "play" "Sweet Child o' Mine." Competition winners will get to showcase their skills on the main stage, while having their “notes” broadcast on the big screens.
It's bad enough that going to a festival these days basically guarantees you a case of dysentery when you can't afford the $11 bottles of water — now you have to watch people play video games? Is this one moment of getting out of the house for the weekend starting to reek of being in your house all weekend? What’s next? Is Bonnaroo going to replace its actual rock bands with dudes playing Rock Band? Let’s leave the stages for Radiohead and other professionals this summer — not your cousin. –Michael D. Ayers