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‘Mess With the Zohan’? We Don't Even Understand the Zohan!

zohan

Courtesy of Sony


As entertainment bloggers, it pains us to say this: We don't actually get what You Don't Mess With the Zohan is about. We understand the way the movie is being marketed, sure: Adam Sandler is in a comedy, and he dresses funny, and he has a funny voice. Sold, we guess. But what is actually going on? He's a spy? Who's also a hairdresser? And he's Israeli, or pretending to be Israeli? Wait, is he gay for real? Or just pretending to be gay? Or not even pretending to be gay, just conforming to hilarious gay stereotypes? Perhaps we've been remiss in not reading enough prerelease hype, but we are pretty flummoxed by this one.

So we did some research — that is, we watched the trailer and read some stuff — and are pleased to present our Zohan FAQ, after the jump.

Zohan's a spy?
Yes, an Israeli counterterrorism expert, "Rembrandt with a grenade."

Who's also a hairdresser?
It seems as though that is his lifelong dream. He comes to America to make it happen.

And he's Israeli, or pretending to be Israeli?
Actually Israeli.

Wait, is he gay for real?
No, he ogles women several times in the trailer, so audiences won't be confused! Although we were still confused.

Or just pretending to be gay?
We don't think so.

Or not even pretending to be gay, just conforming to hilarious gay stereotypes?
Bingo! Mariah Carey shirt, hairdressing career, effeminate behavior: all check!

This doesn't make any sense.
We know! Like, we guess that from incongruity comes comedy, but there are so many elements to this we don't really understand how it got green-lit. It's sort of an ethnic comedy! Sort of a fish-out-of-water comedy! Sort of a spy thriller! Sort of a comment on the Middle East! It's impossible to explain in less than a full paragraph!

Is there anything else we should know about this movie?
Rob Schneider follows up his roles as a Japanese minister, a native Hawaiian, and "Prince Habeeboo" with a turn as an Arab-American cabdriver.