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How Will Roland Emmerich Destroy the World in ‘2012’?

Photo: Getty Images


If you, like us, are fans of the first half-hour of The Day After Tomorrow and the first half-hour of Independence Day, you might be eagerly awaiting the first half-hour of Roland Emmerich's newest Earth-gets-fucked disaster opus, 2012, coming out next summer. Thanks to Emmerich, we've seen some awesome weather porn and awesome aliens-exploding-things porn; what could possibly be next? What could surpass that tidal wave hitting Manhattan, or the White House being blown to bits?

Well, now we can find out! Ain't it Cool News reviews the script of 2012, and in addition to referring to it as the "splendidly stupid" work of "supreme bullshit artists" — "Whatever Emmerich's and Harald Kloser's screenplay for 2012 lacks in originality, it more than makes up for in rampant imbecility" — the review reveals what it is that will wreck our beautiful Mother Earth for the first 30 minutes of 2012, i.e. the only watchable part:

Earthquake porn!

In some ways, 2012 seems to combine all that was best about those wondrous first acts of Roland Emmerich's past. There's pseudoscience, and low-level government officials trying to convince their superiors that the pseudoscience is real. There's the Everyman hero who's trying to win back the love of his life. There's the president as a game man of the people. And there's the White House being destroyed … by a tidal wave … that carries upon it the USS John F. Kennedy.

It's like Emmerich found a way to combine the money shots of not only The Day After Tomorrow and Independence Day but also Titanic! The man's a genius.

Mr. Beaks Looks Forward to Roland Emmerich's Splendidly Stupid 2012 [Ain't It Cool News]