Nicolas Cage to ‘Kick’ McLovin’s ‘Ass’

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Caged Heat: Nicolas Cage, Aaron Johnson, and Big Love's Lyndsy Fonseca are rounding out Matthew Vaughn's Kick-Ass, a movie so violently awesome that studios are afraid to touch it. Johnson will play the lead, a nerdy teen who tries to be a superhero but gets in over his head with a real drug lord. Look for Fonseca as a girl who the kid's in love with, while Cage will play an ex-cop trying to bring down the drug lord — and the drug lord's son, played by Christopher "McLovin" Mintz-Plasse. How excited are we? Maybe not quite as excited as the guy who made this crappy fan-made trailer. [HR]

J.C.V.D.!!!: Peace Arch has acquired the North American rights to Jean-Claude Van Damme's action-comedy, J.C.V.D., the most refreshing action movie we've seen in a long time (and the best movie of the year? Maybe!). Story follows the actual actor Jean-Claude Van Damme, struggling with debts and the ghost of celebrity, until he gets caught up in a real-life bank robbery and must become the action hero he's played so ridiculously in the past. [Variety]

Three Join LAPD: 24's Regina King, Shark's Kevin Alejandro, and Daybreak's Michael McGrady have been cast in LAPD, NBC's pilot about — sigh — officers on the LAPD who, you know, do cop stuff or whatever … in L.A. The real question is why not LAPD Blue? Call us old-fashioned, but we like our cop show acronyms to be followed by a color. [HR]

The Ghost of Farley: Mitch Klebanoff, writer of your least favorite Chris Farley movie, Beverly Hills Ninja, has written a sequel that he himself will direct for Sony. Tokyo Jones: The Legend of the Dancing Ninja is about a white ninja who vows revenge and goes to Hollywood to track down his sensei's killer. We honestly can't believe anyone — even the original screenwriter — remembers the plot details of Beverly Hills Ninja in sufficient detail to write a sequel. [Moviehole]

Sci Fi Activates Stargate: Sci Fi Channel announced the Stargate franchise will be returning to the long-form whence it came, as they've green-lit a two-hour TV movie to conclude Stargate Atlantis, written by show runners Joseph Mallozzi and Paul Mullie. Since the movie presumably wraps things up for the Atlantis world, producers are predictably mum on the project, although we can reveal it will follow a "team of military and civilian explorers" and a "Stargate." [Comingsoon]