Week in Review: Things Even More Depressing Than This Fall’s Movies


This week, we proved scientificologically that this fall's war-themed, apocalypse-filled awards-bait movies will, against all odds, be even bleaker than last year's. What's more depressing than that? The following things:

• David Cook's chances of selling any albums.

• The imminent flood of shoddily manufactured, unlicensed Mickey Mouse merchandise.

• The fact that Hollywood hasn't yet found a way to utilize the talents of Anna Faris and the cast of The Office.

• Young Jeezy's gold-medal prospects.

• John McCain's impending victory.

• That we, unlike Soulja Boy, do not have a Segway scooter to drive around our living room.

• The Jonaspocalypse, the Apatocalypse, and the Hitlerpocalypse.

• YouTube's unfortunate decision to take down the video of Tom Cruise's cameo in Tropic Thunder. That post was getting us a lot of traffic!

• The idea of a Veronica Mars movie.

Benjamin Button's five-hour running time.

• The fact there is no Olympic gold medal for being Ben Silverman.