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deathwatch

Fall TV Deathwatch: Which New Shows Will Be Canceled First?

Fall is upon us, and, as always, the networks are debuting a slew of new shows knowing full well that practically none of them will live to see the spring. And this year, thanks to the prolonged writers' strike, which hit right before pilot season, the lineup looks to be even more hackneyed and slipshod than usual! Last year, we boldly predicted that Viva Laughlin and Cavemen would take a dirt nap. Tragically, we were correct. Which of this year's crop will be the first to go? After the jump, our predictions.

90210 (CW)
Thanks to nostalgic oldsters like us, the ratings for the premiere of this much-hyped reboot were the embattled CW's highest ever. Then, presumably due its terribleness, they dropped like crazy. This week's episode drew only 3.3 million viewers — 400,000 fewer than the perpetually endangered Gossip Girl. How long can recycled drama from the original series keep it alive? Let's hope for a while because if it fails, the CW might be dead!
Premiere: September 2
Predicted date of cancellation: Will survive till second season

Crusoe (NBC)
Like the rest of NBC's hilarious slate of new shows, this Ben Silverman joint — an hour-long drama based on Daniel Dafoe's Robinson Crusoe — was ordered for a full season based only on scripts and not an actual pilot. Also, it's scheduled to air on ratings-challenged Friday nights, which definitely doesn't bode well for its quality. And even if it were great, does anyone these days want to see a stuck-on-an-island show without time travel, polar bears, and flash-forwards? We doubt it!
Premiere: October 17
Predicted date of cancellation: October 20

Do Not Disturb (Fox)
Jerry O'Connell stars as the general manager of a hip Manhattan hotel in this ensemble comedy that we wouldn't watch if you paid us. The only thing worse than the reviews are its ratings.
Premiere: September 10
Predicted date of cancellation: October 1

The Ex-List (CBS)
This dramedy follows a thirtysomething florist whose psychic tells her she's already dated her future husband, and if she doesn't find him within a year, she'll be alone forever. Since CBS is dumping this sorta stinker at 9 p.m. on Friday nights, if she doesn't find him in the first couple of episodes, she probably never will.
Premiere: October 3
Predicted date of cancellation: October 31

Fringe (Fox)
Numbers for last week's debut of J.J. Abrams's X-Files homage were decent, and Tuesday, thanks to House's lead-in audience, it scored an impressive 13 million viewers, proving it's a hit with the all-important "people who forget to turn off their televisions" demographic. So why are we still worried for its survival? Well, in a season of mostly stinkers, it's the one new show we actually like so far.
Premiere: September 9
Predicted date of cancellation: Will survive till second season

Gary Unmarried (CBS)
It stars Jay Mohr.
Premiere: September 24
Predicted date of cancellation: September 25

Kath & Kim (NBC)
Based on the well-liked Australian series of the same name, K&K features Molly Shannon and Selma Blair as a dysfunctional mother-daughter team. We like the cast and NBC promoted the crap out of this thing during the Olympics, so maybe it actually has a shot?
Premiere October 9
Predicted date of cancellation: Will survive till second season

Knight Rider (NBC)
Another Ben Silverman special, this remake was ordered on the strength of the big ratings for its made-for-TV backdoor pilot. But will anyone tune back in now that they know David Hasselhoff definitely isn't in it? Isn't this probably just another Bionic Woman?
Premiere: September 17
Predicted date of cancellation: December 10

Life on Mars (ABC)
Sure, it has a great-sounding cast, including Michael Imperioli and Harvey Keitel in his first-ever regular TV role — but they're only in it because the network hated the original pilot (we did too!) and dumped most of the actors. We guess it might be good, but we're trying not to get our hopes up.
Premiere: October 9
Predicted date of cancellation: December 11

The Mentalist (CBS)
Was anyone clamoring for another police drama? Nope!
Premiere: September 23
Predicted date of cancellation: October 14

My Own Worst Enemy (NBC)
Christian Slater stars, hilariously, as a suburban dad suffering from multiple personality disorder — he's also a secret agent with a license to kill. We'd hate to have been stuck with the bar tab on the night Ben Silverman came up with this idea.
Premiere: October 13
Predicted date of cancellation: October 16

True Blood (HBO)
Alan Ball's vampire show is off to a rocky start — reviews are mixed, and ratings are unspectacular — but HBO's already renewed it for a second season since they've got practically nothing else.
Premiere: September 7
Predicted date of cancellation: Will survive till second season

Worst Week (CBS)
Another British remake, Worst Week stars Kyle Bornheimer as a guy who keeps embarrassing himself in front of his in-laws, Meet the Parents style. We liked the pilot, sort of, but how long before the concept gets old? Three episodes, we bet.
Premiere: September 22
Predicted date of cancellation: October 20