Julie Andrews Is Coming for Your Teeth

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Two Get Toothaches: Julie Andrews has signed on to play the titular teeth merchant in Michael Lembeck's Tooth Fairy, because the man will not rest until this world is rid of every modicum of comedy. The story, we can finally reveal, is about a hockey player (Dwayne Johnson) who "discourages a youngster's hope" and "is ordered to one week's hard labor as a real tooth fairy, complete with wings, magic wand, and frilly tutu." The only thing more depressing is the fact that comedic genius/Office writer Stephen Merchant took a supporting part in hopes this could be his breakout movie. The tooth fairy will bring you nothing but tears, Merchant — Karl Pilkington's tears, if you're lucky. [HR]

Five Howl: David Strathairn, Alan Alda, Jeff Daniels, Mary-Louise Parker, and Paul Rudd are ready to join James Franco as Allen Ginsberg in Howl, a biopic on the seminal beatnik and the obscenity trial that surrounded his poem. What's more, graphic novelist and Ginsberg collaborator Eric Drooker will create animated segments that bring the poem to life — "beat Fantasia," according to writer-director Rob Epstein, and "wicked awesome," according to our friend and former pot dealer, Applejack. [HR]

Perrineau a Jarhead: It seems that Walt made it off the island only to find himself held hostage at a roadside diner, as Lost's Harold Perrineau joins Michael Madsen and Danny Trejo in the indie thriller Killing Jar. Story follows a shotgun-toting stranger who takes seven hostages who realize that one of them "might be more dangerous than their captor." It's movies like this that make us really miss Don LaFontaine. [HR]

Forever No More: As producer Scott Faye readies Max Payne for theaters, he took a time out for an interview with Kotaku where he revealed he's "working diligently at making a Duke Nukem movie that will live up to the character and its import in the videogame world." Considering that game fanboys have been waiting literally since 1997 for the "almost finished" sequel, Duke Nukem Forever, this news is only another laughable drop in the bucket of things that will obviously never happen, just like the Duke Nukem cover band that's been promising to play our birthday for eleven years. [Kotaku]

New Line Places Thirteenth: New Line has picked up The Thirteenth Hour, an upcoming time-travel novel by Richard Doetsch about a man who's given a chance to save his murdered wife by going back in time, in one-hour increments. "It has a great cinematic structure that unfolds in reverse," said producer Michael De Luca, as he buried his Memento DVD behind the other movies on his shelf and added, "STOP LOOKING BACK THERE OMG GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" [Variety]