‘Heroes’: Damned If We Know

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Florian Bohm's Broadway/34th Street (2005) Photo: Courtesy NBC

Last night, we officially threw up our hands and thought, We have no idea what's supposed to be happening here. Old characters are reappearing without explanation, new factions are breaking off for no apparent reason (Hiro is being asked to join some sort of vigilante spinoff group, but we couldn't for the likes of us figure out what it was alleged to be, let alone its purpose), and characters' motivations aren't just shifting wildly in the middle of a show, but the middle of a scene. And so for today's recap, we present you with a random list of things established this episode.

Mohinder Has Turned Into Brundle Bickle. Since injecting himself with superpowers, the reluctant and pointless narrator has turned from the Fly into a street avenger, taking spouse abusers and drug dealers into his den and putting them into a cocoon. He’s lost it now, though, and captured his “girlfriend” Maya, all because she tried to kill him. Women.

Adam Monroe Drinks Appletinis. When the long-buried former supervillain is dug up by Hiro and Andu, he saunters into a mean-looking watering hole and promptly orders an appletini. This might be why, despite his superpowers, he is later knocked out with one punch.

Hiro Stabs Ando. Supposedly, he did this to join the vague group of superhero vigilantes hoping to save the world. He even looked slightly mean when he did it. But let’s just say we have a feeling Ando will return, still alive and still useless.

Sylar Is Very Safety Conscious. Despite possessing pretty much every superpower known to man, Sylar still wears his seat belt.

Ali Larter Is Never Leaving This Show. Now that it’s official that her Tracy Strauss character is indeed a triplet who was given superpowers by a mad scientist hired by “The Company,” we’re more convinced than ever that if something happens to Tracy, the writers will come up with a fourth sister, a clone, or a simple Face/Off-esque body swap.

Look, It’s Bubbles! Andre Royo, Bubbles from The Wire, shows up as Stephen Canfield, a supposed supervillain who just misses his family, creates “Vortex Holes” and dies within minutes of our meeting him. We still love him.

Max Cherry Has Arrived. As promised, Robert Forster joined the cast last night, as Arthur Petrelli, head of the ever-growing Petrelli family and some sort of manifestation of Super Evil. He instantly becomes the best actor on the show — by far — and we can only hope he kills every other character and opens up a bail-bond business with Tiny Lister.