If you thought Spencer Pratt was the least talented person who could ever be made famous or were under the hilarious impression that MTV's programming could not possibly get more terrible, then you may want to brace yourself: Faced with cratering ratings, the network on Friday announced awful plans to launch 16 new reality shows between now and the end of April. Does the world even have enough uninteresting non-celebrities to fill that many half hours? No! Which accounts for this morning's announcement of Daddy's Girls, which will follow Rev Run's daughters, Angela and Vanessa, as they move to Los Angeles to work on their sneaker line and pursue acting careers. But it gets (slightly) worse!
Daddy's Girls, along with several of the other announced shows, will be "aspirational, enterprising, and empowering," claims MTV: "These new series reflect Generation 'Why Not?' — living, working and playing on their own terms, 'adventure capitalists' if you will, pursuing a variety of thrill-seeking, 2.0, express-yourself enterprises," says MTV entertainment president Brian Graden, presumably while choking back vomit. These will include Nitro Circus (starring freestyle Motocross rider Travis Pastrana "and his daredevil buddies"), Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory (in which one half of MTV's Rob & Big will try to "expand the reach of his skateboarding business"), and The College Humor Show (which stars the founders of the Website).
The other shows, though, will just feature the same old awfulness the network is known for these days. The Donald Trump–produced Girls of Hedsor Hall will send twelve "hard-partying young women" to English finishing school, and on the hotly anticipated Bromance, a group of idiots will compete to become best friends with a douchebag. Also, College Life will center on freshmen from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and, chillingly, "will be shot by the students themselves." Yikes!