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24: Terrorists Take It to Kidron, Ohio

Jack and Tony are kidnapping future leaders of Sengala and burying FBI agents alive, all, apparently, over diamonds. Yes, Tony is supposedly a nation-agnostic agent working only for himself. But — as an actual part of a four-man team confronting ugly parts of the U.S. government — would he really consider these diamonds the new U.S. president's topmost concern? And that’s not even one of the most ridiculous moments of this episode. To the Absurd-o-Meter!

3. First Dude Strong Like Bull! The president’s milquetoast hubby has been obsessed with proving that his son didn’t commit suicide, but was actually murdered — a fact confirmed for us last week. And now those same murderers plan to kill the First Dude, led (conveniently!) by his own Secret Service agent (with the Brad Pitt lips). The agent drugs him with a muscle paralyzer, then tries to frame him for a murder-suicide pact with his son’s ex-girlfriend (who also knows about the conspiracy, which supposedly has something to do with Sengala). But right before the First Dude is hanged, he springs to life — strong like bull — and heroically takes down the agent. Good work, milquetoast First Dude. At this rate, you can join the four CTU agents who are waging war with the rest of the planet. Absurdity Factor: 4

2. Chloe and Bill, Mind Readers. This pair knows Jack so well they can read his mind from undisclosed locations. How did FBI Agent Renee Walker escape being buried alive by Jack? Chloe and Bill — half of the world-saving quartet — show up right after Jack's van leaves, to dig her out and resuscitate her. How did they get there so fast? How did they even know she was there? They must have a direct line into Jack's innermost thoughts. We bet that comes in handy for birthdays. Absurdity Factor: 5

1. Poor Kidron, Ohio. Kidron, Ohio, is a real-life Amish town. And like Valencia, California, in 24’s sixth season, it seems as if it’s about to be blown up by a nuclear bomb. In a rather awesome scene (Cherry Jones is giving the 24 Oval Office serious gravitas), President Taylor claims she will not be intimidated by terrorists and faces down her mutinous Cabinet after Sengalan (Sengalese?) bad guys take down an airplane. Which causes the terrorists to decide they’re going to take down Kidron. According to Experience Ohio Amish Country, the town hosts a weekly livestock auction, and “vendors set up sales areas with items ranging from seasonal fruits and vegetables to crafts and housewares.” Enjoy those fruits, Kidronians. And don’t look up. Absurdity Factor: 6

Photo: Courtesy of Fox