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Duck, Duck, Goose: The Miracle of Flight 1549

Not Pierce Brosnan and Susan Sarandon.

As the Vulture staff sat glued to the television for hours yesterday afternoon, witnessing that miraculous emergency plane landing on the Hudson River, our ADD-addled brains immediately began thinking of who we would cast in the inevitable television movie about the incident. Once we saw the first pictures of Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III, we knew that no one would look better sporting Sully's pilot cap than the magnificent J.K. Simmons. And who better to play Jeff Kolodjay, the Kangol-capped gentleman whose first-person recollections of the harrowing crash have made him a ubiquitous presence across the vast wasteland of cable news, than Stephin Merritt of the Magnetic Fields? And, finally, who could forget the villainous bird whose attempts to bring the plane down were thwarted by the heroic Captain Sullenberger? There's only one person animal in Hollywood with the dramatic chops and gravitas to take on a role of this magnitude. Obvs, we're talking about the Aflac duck. Eat your heart out, Georgianne Walken!

Photo: Photo-illustration: Everett Bogue; Photos: Getty Images (Merritt, Simmons) istockphoto (Duck), AP (remaining)