Week in Review: Old-Man-Baby New Year Edition

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If you, like most of our leading newsmakers, were on vacation this week, or you're just now waking up after a particularly good New Year's party and have no recollection of the last five days, here's everything you need to know:

• Tom Cruise is embroiled in an unfortunate misunderstanding involving Rice-a-Roni and Nazi memorabilia.

Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture.

Watchmen will probably never be released.

• Jeffrey Wells saw the light.

• Mickey Rourke has been accused of knowing how to operate a telephone.

Scrubs will never fill the Cavemen-size hole in our hearts.

• Jan isn't so bad!

• Prince's Bible-study group sounds like fun.

• Prince's Bible-study group sounds like fun.

• The world was shocked to learn that another made-up-seeming Holocaust memoir was made up.

• David Fincher completely blew his shot at an Oscar for Best Visual Effects.

Ben Lyons probably won't be appreciated in his own time.

• Prince's Bible-study group sounds like fun.