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paying your dues

Jessica Biel Survives Oscars for Nerds, But Not Without Regrets

If you appear in the photo above and your name isn't Jessica Biel, then this picture has probably already been framed and placed above your prized collection of Bunsen burners, as it will long remind you of a monumental life experience and significant career achievement. However, for Biel, the photo represents something else entirely.

Yes, it will remind her of the time that she drew the short straw and was asked to host the AMPAS Scientific & Technical awards, an event of such little consequence that the Academy couldn't even be bothered to take the time over the weekend to update their official website with the names and photos of this year's honorees. And yes, it will remind her of terms like "anamorphic de-squeezers" and how the Academy politely yet firmly asked her to leave her boyfriend Justin Timberlake at home for the evening in order not to ruin the evening for the white men that she was honoring. And yes, it will also remind her to ensure she spends more time before events like this in the future practicing dialogue in front of the mirror that sounds as if it could've been ad-libbed, so as not to be on record saying something like this: "Animated films are so emotional. And most of the Pixar films, I usually laugh, cry, am frightened. Those types of movies could and should — if they're good enough — win an Oscar. Why not?"

But if she ever happens to stumble across the photo while doing a Google Images search of herself (hopefully while browsing with moderate SafeSearch turned on), it will remind her of the night she fleetingly held the hand of Oscar, only to pass him away to the makers of something called an Arrimax lighting system. And she might even tear up a little, for it will represent to her the evening in her career in which she came the closest to actually winning an Oscar of her own.

Jessica Biel hosts Sci-Tech Oscars [Envelope/LAT]

Photo: Getty Images