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Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman to Possibly Cut the Head Off an Anaconda

World Tour: The Adventurer’s Handbook is set to go at Universal: Co-written by Jonah Hill, Matt Spicer, and Max Winkler, and inspired by the book of the same name by Mick Conefrey, it will star Hill and Jason Schwartzman. Lonely Island’s Akiva Schaffer is in negotiations to direct. Apparently, the original book offers straight-faced advice based on the experiences of history’s great adventurers — like how, if attacked by an anaconda, you’re supposed to let it swallow you up to your knees and then cut off its head. Which means we have no idea where Hill’s version is going, but we’re intrigued. [Variety]

The Legacy of Les Grossman: Men in Black screenwriter Ed Solomon has signed on for the comedy Hardy Men, a long-gestating project about the reunion of the estranged, grown-up boy detectives, who work together to solve a new case. Which sounds great, until we read that Ben Stiller is attached to star alongside … Tom Cruise. Is one over-praised supporting role really about to lead to ten years of misguided Tom Cruise comedies? [HR]

Monkeying Around: Kevin James will go from the mall to the lion’s den in The Zookeeper, to be produced by the team behind Paul Blart. In it, James plays a lonely zookeeper (duh!) who plans to leave his job to find love, only for the animals to intervene. Surely MGM already has a team of monkeys undergoing intensive "throw poop at Kevin James" training. [Variety]

Ideas Stretched: Oh, dear God: Following Monopoly, Candyland, and Ouija, the latest Hasbro toy property optioned is Stretch Armstrong. Bruce Almighty’s Steve Oedekerk will write the screenplay. The project has apparently has been kicking around since the late nineties, with both Danny DeVito and Jackie Chan attached at various points. “This is a new well from which to draw intellectual properties that bring a pre-awareness and nostalgia,” producer Bennett Schneir commented about the toy-option trend. “And also, we are just plum done with thinking of stuff over here,” he did not add. [Variety]

Clone Tale: Curtis Hanson is in negotiations to direct Gemini Man, about an NSA agent near retirement who is targeted for assassination by a younger, cloned version of himself. Jerry Bruckenheimer will produce off a script dating back a decade, last drafted by David Benioff (The 25th Hour). The report mentions that this is Hanson’s “first cloning tale,” as if no director’s oeuvre is complete without a serious crack at the cloning genre. To which we say — seriously, Hanson, fucking get with it with the clone stuff already. [Variety]

The Bizkit Rises: Limp Bizkit is reuniting its original lineup of Fred Durst, Wes Borland, Sam Rivers, John Otto, and DJ Lethal for a tour and a new album on Interscope Records. Our first thought about hearing that was, wait, didn’t Borland come back to the band already? It turns out that, yes, he rejoined for a 2004 EP before leaving again. And now, excuse us while we work through our Bizkit-knowledge shame. [Billboard]

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