Admittedly, your Vulture editors are no Nate Silver — but that doesn’t mean we can’t prognosticate! Using the events of this week, what can we divine about the future?
• If this year’s Oscar nominees take our advice, they’ll be richer, happier, and twice as likely to be nominated next year.
• Zack Snyder’s Watchmen will be a travesty. Also, you probably don’t need to see it in IMAX.
• The Roots will succumb to exhaustion.
• Zack Snyder’s Watchmen will be a travesty. Also, you probably don’t need to see it in IMAX.
• Conan O’Brien is doomed.
• Americans will be horrified by Sam Mendes’s penis balloons.
• Mickey Rourke will ditch his date the minute the Oscars are over.
Bets As Probable As Kate Winslet Retiring Her “Losing Face” This Weekend:
• Interscope will receive an angry phone call from Bono.
• Hugh Jackman will tell a Ricky Gervais–penned Holocaust joke.
• Hugh Jackman will tell a Ricky Gervais–penned Holocaust joke.
• M.I.A. will perform horizontally on Sunday night.
• All of our Oscar predictions will be correct.
• Ebert and Roeper will save televised film criticism.
• Heath Ledger’s Best Supporting Actor statue will go missing.
• Hugh Jackman will tell a Ricky Gervais–penned Holocaust joke.
• Tatiana Del Toro is the most insufferable American Idol contestant in history, and she’ll be back.
