Apart from a couple performances, last night's episode of American Idol — "Rat Pack" night, in case you missed it or passed out during the first few minutes — was barely worth typing about and easily the most boring, skippable one of the season so far. The surviving five singers were tasked with performing a big-band standard, and the four trailing ones picked slow, unexciting ballads, presumably conspiring to put everyone to sleep before probable winner Adam Lambert's performance. Even so, barring some kind of nefarious producer manipulation (which, at this point, we're all in favor of), contestants will now likely be voted off exactly in this order: Matt Giraud, Kris Allen, Allison Iraheta.
Who was good? Well, it'll be sort of a shame when Allison goes home in two weeks. Her performance of "Someone to Watch Over Me" was completely excellent, even if Simon hated it and hopes she goes home tonight (which we don't think will happen — we bet she won over a few of Anoop and Lil Rounds's recently orphaned voters last night).
Who was okay? Kris Allen's voice hasn't gotten any stronger these past few weeks, but we didn't totally hate his "The Way You Look Tonight."
Who was bad? Gokey the Raspy Widower was as dull and forgettable as ever (he did "Come Rain or Come Shine"), but last night's biggest stinker came courtesy of Matt Giraud, who made the fatal mistake of listening to Jamie Foxx. Foxx, the night's guest mentor, instructed him to sing "My Funny Valentine" in an uncomfortable key, producing a sound that Simon compared to Nat King Cole but that seemed to us like a two-minute collection of bum notes (Randy Jackson agreed with us). Admittedly, it's a tough song to sing, though it sounded pretty good in pre-mentored form. Since he's already been voted off once, it's a safe bet he'll be singing "MFV" again tonight (and hopefully they'll let him do it in the right key this time).
And what of Adam Lambert? He did the Muse version of "Feeling Good" and sang a final note that shattered our windows and caused permanent deafness in all neighborhood dogs and raccoons. Watch at your own risk!