As expected, Matt Giraud was eliminated on last night’s episode of American Idol, making him the first contestant in the show’s history to be voted off an incredible three times (he was first discharged for singing Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida” in an early round before he was brought for the wild-card show, then a second time for singing a Bryan Adams song, after which he became the recipient of the first-ever Judges’ Save two weeks ago). He seemed like a nice enough guy — what was it that made America hate him so? “This is definitely not the last time you’ll see me,” he promised the world after learning his fate, just like all offed contestants do before disappearing forever. And then he disappeared forever (unless Idol producers feel like making him the show’s Washington Generals, and just letting him get voted off every week).
So what else happened? Natalie Cole screeched a song and gave everyone an earache. The Idol finalists laughed at America’s starving, impoverished lower classes by trashing the kitchen of a mansion with a food fight. Then 2006 winner Taylor Hicks gave them a chilling glimpse of their sad futures by performing a crappy track from his new self-released second album (which came out last month — 18,000 copies sold!).
Kara DioGuardi awkwardly complimented Adam Lambert’s performance from Tuesday — “My mouth went open. That’s what happens with Adam” — prompting Randy to crack up and Ryan Seacrest to cut swiftly to commercial. Also, Jamie Foxx plugged The Soloist and sang his new single, which Seacrest called the No. 1 song in the country (don’t worry — he was lying!).
Oh, and Adam was in the bottom two, which means maybe his victory isn’t as assured as everybody thinks. But if the only advantage of being an American Idol winner, as opposed to a regular struggling musician, is Taylor Hicks–level stardom, then what’s the point anyway?
Next week, Slash (!) will be mentoring the contestants as they perform “rock songs.” We hope Kris Allen picks a good one, because he’ll probably have to sing it twice.