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Melora Hardin Can Fix Your Broken Children

Hardin Out: The Office’s Melora Hardin will star in FX’s drama Lights Out. The show revolves around the character of Patrick “Lights Out” Leary, to be played by Holt McCallany, a former heavyweight boxer now working as an enforcer and collecting unpaid gambling debts. When he is diagnosed with “pugilistic dementia,” he decides to attempt to land one last payday before it’s too late. Hardin plays his wife, a pediatric orthopedic surgeon whom Leary struggles to support. This is what our economy has come to, America — even pediatric orthopedic surgeons need their deteriorating ex-boxer husbands to support them. [HR]

Pilot Pass: Showtime has rejected a series of high-profile pilots, leaving only the Tim Robbins–written-and-directed Possible Side Effects in contention for next season. That pilot, about a dysfunctional family that made its fortune in the pharmaceutical business, stars Josh Lucas. The pilots passed on include Weeds’ creator Jenji Kohan’s Ronna and Beverly, about two middle-aged Jewish women who tirelessly promote their singles dating guide, an L Word spinoff, and Matthew Perry’s dark comedy The End of Steve. Unofficial word is that Matt LeBlanc is now too discouraged to even try. [Variety]

Class Is in Session: Gym Class Heroes will take June and July off from touring and hole up in a house in the Finger Lakes section of upstate New York in order to record their as-of-yet-untitled new album. Which just proves, once again, that despite this being their fourth album, they are a relatively young band: Everyone knows that it is almost impossible to acquire drugs and/or find fast women in the Finger Lakes section of upstate New York. [Billboard]

DiFranco DiRocking: Ani DiFranco is planning on heading into the studio as well, to record the follow-up to last year’s Red Letter Day. She starts her tour this week, on which she’ll workshop new songs; at the end of the tour, she’ll begin recording. DiFranco explains her hectic touring schedule by saying “that's one thing I have to bring home the bacon because nobody buys records anymore,” unaware that, soon, nobody will buy concert tickets, either. [Billboard]

On the Marks: Shadow of the Colossus, the popular PlayStation 2 title that came out in 2005, will get a big-screen adaptation courtesy of Sony. The plot revolves around a character named Wander, who must travel across a bleak terrain and defeat sixteen so-called colossi in order to bring a girl back to life. The script will be written by Justin Marks, who has a string of adaptations in the works, including 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Voltron, and He-Man — proving, once again, that original ideas are worthless. [Variety]

Photo: Joan Marcus