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Stephen Colbert Heads to the Middle East, Immediately Starts Making Decrees

"By the power vested in me by basic cable, I officially declare we have won the Iraq war!" —Stephen Colbert, taping The Colbert Report at Camp Victory in Iraq [USAT]

"I describe it as Memento for retarded guys [or] 'Stillborn Identity'. Let's see who else we can offend." —Todd Phillips on The Hangover [Interview]

"I want to thank Manhattan audiences for proving that French existential absurdist tragicomedy rocks." —Geoffrey Rush, winning Best Actor at the Tonys for Exit the King [Sydney Morning Herald]

"My first question was, 'You're aware I have Parkinson's, right? You're aware that I can't stop moving, and you're asking me to play a guy who can't move.' And he said, 'No, I get that.'" —Michael J. Fox on playing a paraplegic on Rescue Me [Envelope/LAT]

"For the record, Shrek and I are no relation." —James Gandolfini clears the air at the Tonys [Envelope/LAT]

"You've got me, being as stubborn and as hardheaded as I am — and Christian's the same, going: 'I'm not going to do that scene because it doesn't react with what I'm building.' We're both difficult. We're both stubborn. That's what I say to these guys: 'I'm from Australia, I'm not a greenhorn. I just don't come over and go, isn't this cool, I'm in a Terminator movie." —Sam Worthington on not having an inferiority complex [Sydney Morning Herald]

Photo: Courtesy of Comedy Central