R. Kelly Will Be Your Server This Evening

By

R. Kelly is still working on the official follow-up to 2007’s Double Up (which will now go untitled, apparently), but the man knows we can't wait too much longer. So in the meantime we get The Demo Tape, Kelly’s first-ever mix tape. Amid remixes of tracks by The-Dream and Young Money are a few original cuts, including "Tip the Waiter," a song of immediate interest around Vulture HQ, given Kellz's legendary metaphorical prowess. So what does "tipping the waiter" actually involve? A sex-in-a–high-class–restaurant-bathroom fantasy, perhaps? Some overly complicated sexual maneuver only Kelly can successfully execute? A [more insane third thing]?! Turns out it’s not too crazy — Kelly plays a strip-club patron who, dazed by "that ass and Patrón," waits all night for the lady in question to finish her shift; hence, the "waiter." When she's done, he wants "some gratuity, and I don't mean cash." (He means sex.)


Latest News from Vulture

Bob Costas Doesn't Think Ryan Lochte Over-Exaggerated; He Lied

But at least he un-bleached his hair. 

How Parker Sawyers and Tika Sumpter Prepared To Play The Obamas

Parker Sawyers and Tika Sumpter discuss. 

Mary Elizabeth Winstead Discusses What Sex Scene With Michael Moore Was An Homage To

"He was such a good sport."

Real Life Mr. Robot Can't Code or Type; He Posted First Instagram Though

Also, don't mail him plans to conspire against the U.S. government.  

John Krasinski Says He Might've Played Captain America If He Hadn't Been Intimidated By Thor

By God!

50 Cent Wants You To Go Back to School In Style, Promotes Big Sale at 50¢ Store

Not 99¢. Not 75¢... 50¢!

Jason Derulo Somehow Makes Toddler Dance Moves Look Legit on The Late Late Show

Just look at that dramatic butt-scoot.

Here's the Saturday Night Live Cast Members Returning for Season 42

A who's who of who didn't get fired.

Ariana Grande Joins the Super Popular Being-Sued-For-Copyright-Infringement Club

Stealing music is all the rage these days.

Listen to a George Carlin Bit That Was Shelved in the Wake of 9/11

From a new album, I Kinda Like It When a Lotta People Die.