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What We Are Able to Discern About the Melrose Place Reboot Based Solely on This Promotional Image

Even though we have some fond (yet hazy) memories of the seminal nineties trashfest Melrose Place, we can't say we're exactly looking forward to the series reboot that the CW is launching on Tuesdays this fall (the new "Humpday," apparently). That said, based on this promotional poster the network just released, we think we might have a few beads on how things will shake out in the apartment complex that the beefy Jake Hanson built.

First off, we anticipate that the first couple of episodes will take a PSA bent and seek to shed light on the young woman from this photograph's dangerous case of scoliosis; her back is clearly bent at an unnatural angle, which is most likely why you can see Dr. Michael Mancini (original-series regular Thomas Calabro) hovering in the background. Secondly, we're guessing that the young gentleman in this poster is suffering from the after effects of amnesia; as you can tell, he remembered to take his shoes off before hopping in this pool, but forgot to take off the rest of his clothes. As anyone who (never) attended medical school will tell you, improper disrobing is among the most identifiable symptoms of memory loss. Lastly, the surprising amount of leaves strewn about the surrounding area of the pool indicates that the building's pool boy/super has mysteriously gone missing. If we know our Melrose Place, we're guessing the man-eating, redheaded vixen Sydney Andrews has something to do with it.

Got any interpretations of your own you'd like to share? You know where to leave 'em!

Tuesday's The New Humpday [Young Manhattanite]

Photo: Courtesy of the CW