We've already established that one of the major themes that ran through last night's Emmys broadcast was the impending death of television. However, your friendly Vulture editors felt as though the real elephant in the room had very little to do with the fiscal viability of the medium — it was, instead, the demise of perfect twenty-twenty vision! Rather suddenly it seemed as if most everyone either presenting or winning an award last night was sporting corrective eyewear of some sort, which made us wonder just when, exactly, television stars became so darn nearsighted. For example, while Jack Bauer trots all over the world on 24, kicking terrorists' asses without the benefit of glasses, it turns out that poor Kiefer Sutherland needs to pull out a pair of bifocals to read the winner's name printed on the inside of an envelope in 180-point type a mere six inches from his face. And that Simon Baker? What a phony! On TV he plays a man who can read the minds of others, but in real life he can't even read a TelePrompTer without assistance. What gives?
Even the bookish John Hodgman took note of this trend; last night he tweeted, "Why is everyone wearing my glasses? Delany ... Baker... Timberlake ... Are they pranking me?" Don't believe us? Check for yourselves!