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Eddie Vedder to Go Around Wielding Chainsaw

“Sometimes I think the best thing I could do would be to get a tow truck, throw a chainsaw in the back, maybe a set of jumper cables. Just look for people to help.” —Eddie Vedder [Spin]

“Not when they’re on pencil sharpeners, T-shirts, and the sides of buses, like Joe [Jonas]. But some day, I’ll find the right person [and] I won’t even remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 27 seconds.” —Taylor Swift [Showbiz Spy]

“We are lovable puppy dogs.” —Drew Barrymore on herself and Ellen Page [Daily Babe]

“I did not envy him. I think it’s the frog-in-boiling-water concept. Robert Pattinson jumped in boiling water and has stayed in it and hopefully will survive. Whereas I entered the water when it was cold, and it’s been slowly heating up — a slooooow boil. Maybe I won’t realize when it’s getting dangerous.” —Olivia Wilde [GQ]

“You are about as bad an example of eighties excess as you could possibly be. You are overconfident, far too cocky, and dressed from head to toe in expensive designer gear. Armani and Versace. Oh, nothing but the best for you, Simon! It hasn’t dawned on you yet, you idiot, that you can’t afford any of this stuff.” —Simon Cowell in a letter to his young self, on the eve of turning 50 [Daily Mail UK via MTV]

“Sam was a nerd and never got the girl. Ever ... In four seasons, I kissed a girl once. How about them apples?” —Rob Lowe on his not-sexy role in The West Wing [Guardian UK]

Photo: Getty Images