Curb Your Enthusiasm: Roller Derby

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Photo: Courtesy of HBO
Episode Title
Denise Handicapped
Season
7
Episode
5

For the second consecutive week, we end with Larry David on the verge of receiving a savage beating. This week, it’s courtesy of two women in wheelchairs and Rosie O’Donnell. This is not progress. Next week, the Seinfeld crew is back, but in the meantime, we have our list of outrageous moments.

3. “You’re halfway decent looking.” Larry’s not-really-joking pickup line to Denise, a woman he meets at a coffee shop while listening to violinist Chee Yun, comes right before he realizes that she’s in a wheelchair. Determined not to come across as an asshole (we don’t know why he ever bothers), Larry takes her out anyway and grows frustrated when he can’t induce her to, uh, enjoy herself while they’re having sex. (This leads to a hilarious conversation with Leon: “You brought it? You brought the ruckus to that ass?” “I did! I brought it!”) He grows to enjoy the perks of dating a woman in a wheelchair, though: They don’t have to wait in lines for restaurants, waiters give them free champagne, and all the people who think Larry’s a jerk re-evaluate him when they see how “progressive” his dating habits are.

2. Proficient with chopsticks. Larry ends up inviting Denise to a Chee Yun recital at the home of two of his “friends” who have just adopted a Chinese child. This is just asking for trouble with Larry, who, upon meeting the girl, asks the parents if they ever wondered if she would show “traditional” Asian characteristics, like a preternatural ability to use chopsticks. (When they inform him she uses a fork, he insists they let him know if she turns out to be great with chopsticks. “You wouldn’t believe it, Larry,” his imaginary conversation goes. “This kid’s amazing!”) They uninvite him from the concert until they see him with Denise, and reconsider — which is the main reason he’s still hanging out with Denise, anyway.

1. Wendy Wheelchair. After he misses an opportunity to save Sammi Greene from drowning while making sure his BlackBerry is safe, Suzie Greene, quite understandably, throws the phone in the ocean. Without it, Larry doesn’t have Denise’s number — which he had put in his phone under “Denise Handicapped” — so he goes looking for her. He runs into another woman in a wheelchair, named Wendy, who’s also a Chee Yun fan, so he invites her to the recital instead. But Denise ends up being there, and she discovers his attempt to hide Wendy from her (by putting her in a closet). They both end up chasing him around the house; he escapes, of course, by climbing up some stairs. But they have a trump card: Rosie O’Donnell, who wrested a check away from Larry in the opening scene and is still upset about it. She pursues him up the stairs and presumably beats him to a pulp. Who’s going to beat up Larry next week? We’re hoping it’s Jerry Seinfeld. Our money, in that case, is on Larry.