Boom! As if Letterman weren't already beating Conan badly enough lately, on tonight's show he'll announce he was the victim of a $2 million extortion plot threatening to reveal his sexual relationships with several female Late Show staffers, which he's admitted to: "My response to that is, yes I have," he told his audience at today's taping. "Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps." But, he added, "I need to certainly protect my family."
According to a release from his publicist, Dave received a package in the mail three weeks ago containing evidence of his affairs and demanding $2 million not to make the information public. So he called the cops, who caught the guy with a fake check (no details have yet been released on the person they have in custody). "This morning, I did something I've never done in my life," Letterman will say on tonight's show. "I had to go downtown and testify before a grand jury." The Times says the D.A.'s office will hold a press conference tomorrow to fill in additional details.
The Daily News spoke with Letterman's poor mother, who said she found out the news from his wife, Regina Lasko, whom he married in March. "I knew he was being blackmailed and that someone was arrested today. So far that's all I know. I'm looking forward to seeing the show tonight to see what he has to say."
Presumably he'll ask himself what the hell he was thinking, then beat the Tonight Show's ratings for the next decade.