On paper, The Expendables seems like it could be one last swan song for a pack of rapidly aging heartthrobs from the eighties: Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, and even Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger are all set to appear in the film side-by-side with slightly younger ass-kickers like Jason Statham and Jet Li. And as much as we'd like to say the film will be a return to form for these veteran muscle men, the truth of the situation is that there seems to be just as much Botox running through the foreheads of these stars as there is HGH in their bloodstreams. Based on the contents of this rudimentary trailer, we can expect the film not to be filled with cheesily jingoistic rallying cries, but rather with dialogue that aims to be self-aware but turns out to be just plain awful (example: Bad guy orders the Expendables to "Put down your guns!" Jason Statham replies, "Fat chance." Sylvester Stallone's retort: "Why do people always say that?"). Fortunately, it doesn't look as if Mickey Rourke's appearance in the film will derail his comeback efforts, as his brief appearance is this trailer's only redeeming moment. Oh, and also when Dolph Lundgren calls Jet Li "Happy Feet." But really, trust us, it's best not to get your hopes up too high for this one.
Most Watched on Vulture
Most Viewed Stories
Meghan Markle’s Spirit Haunts the Suits Season 8 Premiere
Trevor Noah Is Apparently Feuding With the French Ambassador
The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: They Be Trippin’
Why Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again Cast Cher As Meryl Streep’s Mother
Helena Bonham Carter and Her Cigarette Have Arrived to Play The Crown’s New Princess Margaret
Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, and Ryan Phillipe Turned Down Brokeback Mountain
An Evening With Luann de Lesseps, the Countess of Reality TV
What Is NBC Hiding About The Biggest Loser?
Orange Is the New Black Season 6 Is Aimless, But Still Compelling
15 Burning Questions for This Week’s San Diego Comic-Con
Latest News from VultureBruce Springsteen Surprises Billy Joel Audience, Delighting Dads Everywhere
It was a moment so precious dads everywhere will be talking about it until at least next Christmas.Chance the Rapper Just Released Four New Songs
He demands Rahm Emanuel’s resignation, and that’s just the first track.Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, and Ryan Phillipe Turned Down Brokeback Mountain
Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio are among those who turned down the camping trip of their lives.Trevor Noah Is Apparently Feuding With the French Ambassador
And no, it’s not because he mispronounced something.Yellowstone Recap: On Brand
Taylor Sheridan’s modern western hits a dull patch in an episode with some surface pleasures but little in the way of plot.Midnight’s Children To Be Adapted for Netflix
The award-winning Salman Rushdie novel will be made into a series.Theater Review: Ivo van Hove’s The Damned Pulls the World Into the Armory
Theater Review: Ivo van Hove’s The Damned Pulls the World Into the ArmoryMeghan Markle’s Spirit Haunts the Suits Season 8 Premiere
Gone, but not forgotten, from basic cable.The Real Housewives of New York City Recap: They Be Trippin’
The Housewives go to Colombia where Bethenny makes a terrible mistake in her choice of soup.What Is NBC Hiding About The Biggest Loser?
The New York Post is determined to get to the bottom of this.
The Landrys’ scheme is exposed but the Bordelons’ fate remains less than clear.Roe v. Wade Film Blocked From Filming at Plaza Hotel, Statue of Liberty
Access denied.Foo Fighters Are Classic Rock Now
And there’s nothing wrong with that.Why Does Becca’s Bachelorette Season Have Such Terrible Trips?
She should be in Europe by now. Instead, she’s slumming it up in Richmond.Jay-Z Is Beefing With the Mayor of Philadelphia Over His Made in America Festival
“We are disappointed that the mayor of the city of Philadelphia would evict us from the heart of the city.”An Evening With Luann de Lesseps, the Countess of Reality TV
At Luann de Lesseps’s cabaret show, everyone feels like part of the extended Real Housewives universe.Why Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again Cast Cher As Meryl Streep’s Mother
And why Andy García landed the role of Fernando.Why Aren’t You Watching The Graham Norton Show?
Eschew the late-night Jimmys in favor of this delightful chap.15 Burning Questions for This Week’s San Diego Comic-Con
What will the future of DC movies look like? Will we see footage from Wonder Woman 1984? And more.Orange Is the New Black Season 6 Is Aimless, But Still Compelling
Despite the problems with this sixth season, OITNB is still stacked with absorbing characters.